One of you stepped forward. One of you made a selfless sacrifice. Arguments were still raging in the LMO towers about who would have to go and see Barbie. We came close to agreeing to Sean T’s suggestion that we play Russian roulette for this and the last person alive should go and watch it (quickly, and before the police arrive) but we were saved by an outposter who goes above and beyond. Mr. Horta saw it. Pay respect to his heroism!
Mr. Horta Barbie reviews
First, the obvious: what the hell, Mr. Horta?
“I come to LMO to escape Barbie Hype and now you want to shove my face in it?”
There is no hype here, just a subjective clinical analysis. Let’s be honest: a bad review of Barbie Will get me physically murdered on any number of websites. But flip it: would I really give it a good review if I really liked it? Would I be open to that possibility?
With one hand up and the other on my chest, I say yes. Barbie I’d like to declare solidarity with a stupidly choreographed handshake. If it helps, the bright-but-his-ass Asteroid City is a 2 star movie for me. Barbie has more in common with Megaforce (1.5 stars) f GI Joe: The Rise of Cobra (2.5 stars and a guilty pleasure) than people might want to admit. We’ll get back to it.
Is it time for a review? Shit, more warnings…
On vacation in Florida with the family – wife, teenage daughter, mother – I found myself surrounded on three sides by pre-fans of Barbie. Seeing the movie was inevitable. You might ask: “Why let yourself get into this situation in the first place, Mr. Horta? Can’t you expel a lava-like substance?” But I can’t pick my mom (who is actually great) and my wife and daughter are actually great too. Sometimes the zeitgeist beckons and just when you want to scream “Take a break to the fourth side!”… My boss (also a woman, also great, lets me work from home) adores Barbie. Perhaps it is good, in some circles, to be able to speak consciously Barbie. I can provide talking points.
That’s how he is Barbie, the blockbuster of the summer, actually good? Answer: No.
Barbie She is a vivid depiction of a smart, self-doubting girl playing with the titular doll. Sound like something you want to see? A lot of people do that apparently. For me it’s called babysitting – done as a favor or alternatively I demand money. I will gladly watch Barbie If someone pays me.
the story
In a utopia of pink plastic houses and a culture dominated by Barbie, life is perfect until Barbie starts thinking about death. Ken is an inefficient moron. Barbie learns that she needs to go out into the real world, joined by Ken, to find the person who is “playing with her” (thus filling her with negative thoughts). Mattel’s head (Will Ferrell) pursues her while Ken, infected with ideas from the real world, sets up a misogynistic “condom” out of Barbie’s dream house. Barbie teams up with a real-world woman she played with as a girl to defeat him.
what works
Late in the film, America Ferrera’s deranged mother—a Mattel executive secretary with artistic dreams—delivers a passionately direct monologue about the social burden women bear. As a husband and father, I appreciate that. I want my daughter to be empowered. If self-righteous feminist rants are what you’re after, no matter what kind of flimsy excuse for a meta-plot they hang on it, you’re in luck with Barbie. For many in the audience that’s why they’re here, messages smuggled into a silly movie because another showcase will be a boring period piece about Ruth Bader Ginsburg and it certainly will be No make a billion dollars. Bader…barbie…hmm. forget about it.
Barbie There’s a great last line – always a nice touch. Margot Robbie is endearingly engaged and Greta Gerwig knows some basic aspects of low-stakes car chase action similar to one Fletch do better
The construction of the world of the film is the design of its production (cf Flintstone, H, and also “What doesn’t work” below). Photography won the title “I participated!” Award for no mistakes if there are no real moments of inspiration. the movies 2001: A Space Odyssey-An inspired opening gets credit for glimpses of cinematic fidelity, even if it ends up being annoying and the jump is a letdown.
If the comedy lacks moments of all time, to some extent a constant chuckle will suffice. For better or worse, synthpop continues to be among the most enduring creative innovations of the past 45 years.
11 year olds will have a new future favorite childhood movie Barbie. Maybe a plane! Should I have been made to think about gender inequality? We thought “don’t call me Shirley” was a punch line when it was a statement all along.
what doesn’t work
at the end, Barbie is a two-hour, big-budget SNL sketch. The mechanics of how the world works are as silly as those of a child’s imagination – The ultimate action hero Had similar problems. Contrast, back to the Future There is a jaw-dropping invention behind its plot. BarbieThe conflicts are random, no one can get hurt and the world feels as small as an upper-middle-class suburban Chicago basement.
It’s probably sexist to suggest that GI Joe Takes place in a reality that is basically ours plus their high-tech weapons. Barbie Set in a full fantasy world, with all the negative logic and physics that comes with it. Ralph the Destroyer make it better
“You must be fun at parties!” Some will say. I say please enjoy Barbie! But is there one compelling sequence? Is there one picture you can’t delete, a cheeky photo or joke of all time? No, then the weight of BarbieIts preliminary popularity weighs it down.
“And then they came to our world…” movies doom themselves by failing to show anything like a legitimate descent of a glimpse into our honest reality. lets see enchanted meets Threats II society. B Barbie, the underside of society is construction workers on break, sexually pernicious roller-bladers, and moronic and redeemable corporate executives. We talk passionately about gender inequality and ignore economic inequality. (Not saying the former isn’t a problem.) Aren’t there kids in abject poverty who would buy a Barbie if they could? No response, the film says.
Judgment
BarbieThe opening weekend box office alone says it’s set to haunt us. Soon, this entire Thanksgiving will be on FX or TNT or whatever; Put it on for bored relatives and soak up the flashy tackiness, the “beach me offshore” jokes, and let them process the feminist rants. Trade nods earnestly. You won’t need the full movie, or even most of it. It’s more of a skit than a movie, so why not just enjoy the tense, goofy bits?
The bigger problem is what BarbieThe success of means a success that I indirectly contributed to, in the longer term. A more stupid sequel probably, unless someone can come up with one Barbie: Pig in the city.
More movies like Merchandise will force their way down our throats, but with an arc we have to pretend we’re in: Do you like that toy from the past? It’s misogynist, environmental-killing, fascist garbage, a bad message. But it made children happy! This is a product that could improve, or at least recognize how terrible it is! Our product has a heartwarming redemption story – it’s right there in the movie! Shop us now; We are good!
Let’s just say that Margot Robbie is a gifted comic actress. Ryan Gosling is…Ryan Gosling. Greta Gerwig is, with the right project, a promising director. and Barbie It’s bad, even if the world can’t admit it yet.
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